Three little Secrets to Happiness

We all know that One person that is always happy. No matter what. They always greet you with a smile. It seems like nothing ever goes wrong for them. Sometimes there is absolutely no discernible reason for their upbeat mood. Chances are, they actually Annoy you some of the time. You can't see how they could possibly maintain that attitude in situations where everything is going "wrong".  Some of us even envy that person, and wonder what their secret is.

Well, I've known that person too. Many persons like them. Finally tired of being miserable, I started to study them. Stealthily, of course. I would strike up conversations just to try to understand their secrets.
I have striven to become one of them, though I don't always succeed. I can say that I maintain positivity  often enough that a bad mood from me now is met with surprise to those who know me well.  After many years, a crazy amount of research, and more books about being happy than I care to count, I finally have the answer.

I know you are on the edge of your seat. Are you ready?  Do you have a pen handy?
Here's the Secret:  Happy is a CHOICE.  Yes, that is it. You were expecting more, weren't you?
Total let-down, right? That means you actually have to look at your negative patterns, and try to fix them. Where does one even begin? When Everything in life is going wrong, how am I supposed to change my ATTITUDE right now???  Yes, I remember thinking like that too.  The good news is, it's not only possible, it's 100% worth the effort. I know. I'm a convert, remember?

It does require diligence, and that seems like work. So WHY is it worth it? Lets look at a scenario.

Grumpy you is driving to work. Grumpy you is fussing in your head about the traffic. This reminds you of something your husband did last week that REALLY pissed you off. Which reminds you that he ALSO forgot to do something else you asked him. You are furious. You are completely in your head.
Suddenly, some jerk in a Red SUV pulls out RIGHT in front of you. You Slam on your brakes, and your coffee goes flying across the car, spilling everywhere. Including on you. By the time you get to work, you are ready for a divorce, you are certain that other drivers are trying to kill you, and you've stained your brand new shirt. When you try to tell people about your crappy morning, everyone seems to be rushing off instead of giving your horrible morning the attention it deserves. What a sucky start to the week.

Okay, change mood. Happy you is driving to work. Happy you is noticing how sunny it is, and how cool the sunshine looks sparkling through the early morning sprinklers across the corporate lawns. Happy you sees someone jogging, and thinks "that looks so invigorating! I really do need to just go out and start Walking at least!"  Happy you is in the moment, and sees the light turn yellow, then red. Happy you stops, sips her coffee, and laughs at the bumper sticker on the red SUV that is turning in front of her.  Happy you gets to work, and gets complimented on her new shirt. Happy you tells people what a BEAUTIFUL day it is, and people smile at you, and tell you to have a good day. Happy You is going to have an Awesome week!

Now, these might sound silly, but the time we waste in our heads thinking negative thoughts and ruminating over supposed slights is time wasted, and it wrecks havoc on your soul. Plain and simple.
If the first thing your brain does is look for the negative, you are causing yourself PHYSICAL harm from the levels of stress hormones constantly present in your body. You are setting yourself up for an early grave, and a really crappy trip getting there, to boot.So now, really, Where to start. Here are my top three tips to get you started on the most important undertaking of your life, Being a Happier You. 

1) STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY.
It's not about you. And even if it is, it's not worth caring about. Maybe your Husband forgot to do something you asked because he's worried about layoffs at work, and hasn't told you yet because he doesn't want to worry you until he knows more. Feel like an ass yet for being mad at him earlier? Maybe he really didn't do whatever it was on PURPOSE! Well, then you chose a poor mate. But being mad at someone for their inherent qualities will slowly drive you insane. Don't take a person's NATURE as a reflection on you. I know the whole Zen thing says we are all one, Namaste, and all of that jazz. But when it comes to other people's behaviors they are living from their OWN perspective that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe someone hates you for no reason. Oh well. It's no fun to not be liked, but not everyone in life will like you. If you didn't learn this one in kindergarten, then High School and Life has been rough for you. But you still have the chance to Let it go. Not taking other people's actions and words personally was the most freeing lesson I've learned, in my entire life. I have so much more mental space to process things that matter, instead of wondering if someone likes me. This isn't a free pass to turn into a jerk of course. To me, this is the most important rule of Life, because it helps you stop thinking that things are happening TO you. And once things stop happening to you, guess what? You're not a victim of life anymore. You are an honest to God Participant!

2) BE GRATEFUL.
Count your blessings. Often. At least once a day. First thing in the morning is best, or on the drive to work. Think of the things you genuinely feel grateful for. Recite them to yourself. Ask your kids what they are grateful for over dinner. Make gratitude a topic in your home. Why? Because you train yourself to look for the good things in life. And when something Big and Scary happens, you can handle it with a grace and flexibility that you simply can't while having a victim mentality. A grateful person is in the moment, and sees opportunities in front of them. A help wanted sign, or an obscure ad in the paper when you need work. A grateful person is the HAPPY you that co-workers WANT to talk to, not avoid. And those connections can help you find a cheap car when you need one, a babysitter when yours cancelled. People want to be nice to nice people. When you catch yourself in a negative spin, stop and think what you have to be grateful for. Right Then. Derail the thought train that will drag you down into your grumpy place. One grumpy thought creates a disease in your head if you let it spread. Use gratitude to get yourself back on track.

3) PRACTICE POSITIVES
Whatever is going wrong in your day, find the positive. It's in there somewhere. Delivery truck late at work? "At least the driver wasn't hurt when the truck broke down". Miss a deadline? "Well, it's really a bummer that it happened, but I know I need to really work on my organizational skills, and this is a really good push to keep me from putting that off!" There are harder things to turn into positives, of course. Losing a family member, the one thing that is most difficult. When you can't find a positive, no matter how hard you try.. then find a gratitude. As you get more practice, you can start looking for the lesson as well. There is something to be learned from every experience that has the potential to upset you. If nothing else, I have found I can at least be grateful for the lesson.

FREE Bonus Tip!
BE NICE TO YOU.
Changing your mental patterns is HARD. Be Easy on yourself. Set little goals. List your Gratitudes once a day. Try to catch yourself in a negative thought pattern and turn it around once a day. At no point, EVER... are you allowed to beat yourself up for failing to be a more positive person. Period. When trying to silence that inner critic that we all have, when the negative thoughts are self directed.. it's a good time to remind yourself to Not take anything personally. Even the things you might say to yourself in anger. And while you are being nice to you, try to be at least that nice to the people around you.

My own pursuit of happiness has been by far the most rewarding thing I've done in my entire life. It's changed how I look at life, and it's made life the adventure it's supposed to be, instead of a scary journey with pitfalls lurking around every corner. If you've made it to the end of this article, I wish you much joy and success on your own Happiness Journey!

If you want more tips on quieting your inner grump, I highly recommend "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz, and "The Happiness Project," by Gretchen Rubin.