How I Learned to Love my Body

I have never liked having curves.  I felt awkward enough in a child’s body.  I fell asleep one night and woke up with hips the next day. I had to buy WAY bigger clothes... it felt like I turned into an ant. I used to be lanky, and now I had a Giant Thorax or something. I don't think I learned how to maneuver my body through the world with curves until I was well into my twenties.  I had the bruises on my hipbones as proof.

So recently, while  cruising the net, I ran across an article that talked about “the perfect  waist-hip ratio” for attraction. I was shocked to find that my unwieldy curves were awfully close. That being said, I was both comforted and affronted that I had made it into my thirties before finding proof that convinced my brain that I am at an “attractive ratio”. I had been assured by boyfriends and friends, but still never really accepted my shape.

I have in the past caught my reflection in a window without realizing it was me, and been envious of the figure I saw out of the corner of my eye. Once recognition struck, the feeling of envy disappeared and again I could see the flaws that invariably snuck into my brain. I was accepting of my body and mildly appreciative of its usefulness, but that was the extent of my positive feelings towards it. It had occurred to me over the years that I really ought to love my body more. But we are also taught that really loving your body is self-centered, egotistical, and all in all, not a desirable trait in human being. We are given these lofty airbrushed examples of how to look yet we are rarely guided on how to truly appreciate the bodies we have.   My mother attempted to assure me that I was perfectly normal, but of course she was a biased source.  

I didn’t find an actual level of appreciation for my body until I started to pursue fitness. I hired a personal trainer for my 30^th birthday, out of an ego-driven desire to look better at thirty than I had at twenty.  Already somewhat fit, my body did not change dramatically. What did change was the huge confidence boost I was given by challenging it to do things that I never thought it could.  As I grew to appreciate the strides I made with my work-outs, I in turn learned to appreciate what an amazing thing the body, MY body, really is. I would go so far as to say I learned to love it.

Learning to love those curves!

Can you imagine a world where all girls step into womanhood with a sense of confidence in their capabilities,  and pride in what their bodies are capable of?  I was never an athletic child, but had someone offered me more choices for fitness that didn’t involve embarrassing oneself in front of a crowd, I think I could have reached a level of peace and love with my physical self much sooner in life.

I share my story to encourage mothers especially to challenge their daughters to challenge themselves. To Challenge Women who have not challenged themselves for fear of failure. Attaining a new fitness level is not just about changing your body. Sometimes it’s not about changing your body at all.  It’s about learning to reach a goal, about redefining who you think you are, about finding your limits and surpassing them.  Movement and exercise do not have to be made a part of buying into the ridiculously unattainable standards that print media put forth for our daughters. I have seen many mothers so afraid of getting the wrong message across to their girls that the topic of fitness is avoided altogether, aside from the typical soothing mother words that no daughter takes as unbiased.  We women and mothers of today have an opportunity to change the associations of what fitness means to the next generation of women, and redefine what it means to ours.

We don’t want future generations of women working towards a size, or even a ratio. We want them working towards enjoying the practice of challenging themselves. We want them working towards a feeling of accomplishment, with a healthy body being just one outcome of the effort. Had I not found the emotional and esteem building benefits of pursuing a challenging fitness regime, I would not be who I am today.  I am a stronger, happier, and more confident woman than I have ever been before.  Who doesn’t want that for their daughter?  Encourage your girls, your friends, yourself, to pursue a fitness  goal. You’ll never be the same.

Three little Secrets to Happiness

We all know that One person that is always happy. No matter what. They always greet you with a smile. It seems like nothing ever goes wrong for them. Sometimes there is absolutely no discernible reason for their upbeat mood. Chances are, they actually Annoy you some of the time. You can't see how they could possibly maintain that attitude in situations where everything is going "wrong".  Some of us even envy that person, and wonder what their secret is.

Well, I've known that person too. Many persons like them. Finally tired of being miserable, I started to study them. Stealthily, of course. I would strike up conversations just to try to understand their secrets.
I have striven to become one of them, though I don't always succeed. I can say that I maintain positivity  often enough that a bad mood from me now is met with surprise to those who know me well.  After many years, a crazy amount of research, and more books about being happy than I care to count, I finally have the answer.

I know you are on the edge of your seat. Are you ready?  Do you have a pen handy?
Here's the Secret:  Happy is a CHOICE.  Yes, that is it. You were expecting more, weren't you?
Total let-down, right? That means you actually have to look at your negative patterns, and try to fix them. Where does one even begin? When Everything in life is going wrong, how am I supposed to change my ATTITUDE right now???  Yes, I remember thinking like that too.  The good news is, it's not only possible, it's 100% worth the effort. I know. I'm a convert, remember?

It does require diligence, and that seems like work. So WHY is it worth it? Lets look at a scenario.

Grumpy you is driving to work. Grumpy you is fussing in your head about the traffic. This reminds you of something your husband did last week that REALLY pissed you off. Which reminds you that he ALSO forgot to do something else you asked him. You are furious. You are completely in your head.
Suddenly, some jerk in a Red SUV pulls out RIGHT in front of you. You Slam on your brakes, and your coffee goes flying across the car, spilling everywhere. Including on you. By the time you get to work, you are ready for a divorce, you are certain that other drivers are trying to kill you, and you've stained your brand new shirt. When you try to tell people about your crappy morning, everyone seems to be rushing off instead of giving your horrible morning the attention it deserves. What a sucky start to the week.

Okay, change mood. Happy you is driving to work. Happy you is noticing how sunny it is, and how cool the sunshine looks sparkling through the early morning sprinklers across the corporate lawns. Happy you sees someone jogging, and thinks "that looks so invigorating! I really do need to just go out and start Walking at least!"  Happy you is in the moment, and sees the light turn yellow, then red. Happy you stops, sips her coffee, and laughs at the bumper sticker on the red SUV that is turning in front of her.  Happy you gets to work, and gets complimented on her new shirt. Happy you tells people what a BEAUTIFUL day it is, and people smile at you, and tell you to have a good day. Happy You is going to have an Awesome week!

Now, these might sound silly, but the time we waste in our heads thinking negative thoughts and ruminating over supposed slights is time wasted, and it wrecks havoc on your soul. Plain and simple.
If the first thing your brain does is look for the negative, you are causing yourself PHYSICAL harm from the levels of stress hormones constantly present in your body. You are setting yourself up for an early grave, and a really crappy trip getting there, to boot.So now, really, Where to start. Here are my top three tips to get you started on the most important undertaking of your life, Being a Happier You. 

1) STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY.
It's not about you. And even if it is, it's not worth caring about. Maybe your Husband forgot to do something you asked because he's worried about layoffs at work, and hasn't told you yet because he doesn't want to worry you until he knows more. Feel like an ass yet for being mad at him earlier? Maybe he really didn't do whatever it was on PURPOSE! Well, then you chose a poor mate. But being mad at someone for their inherent qualities will slowly drive you insane. Don't take a person's NATURE as a reflection on you. I know the whole Zen thing says we are all one, Namaste, and all of that jazz. But when it comes to other people's behaviors they are living from their OWN perspective that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe someone hates you for no reason. Oh well. It's no fun to not be liked, but not everyone in life will like you. If you didn't learn this one in kindergarten, then High School and Life has been rough for you. But you still have the chance to Let it go. Not taking other people's actions and words personally was the most freeing lesson I've learned, in my entire life. I have so much more mental space to process things that matter, instead of wondering if someone likes me. This isn't a free pass to turn into a jerk of course. To me, this is the most important rule of Life, because it helps you stop thinking that things are happening TO you. And once things stop happening to you, guess what? You're not a victim of life anymore. You are an honest to God Participant!

2) BE GRATEFUL.
Count your blessings. Often. At least once a day. First thing in the morning is best, or on the drive to work. Think of the things you genuinely feel grateful for. Recite them to yourself. Ask your kids what they are grateful for over dinner. Make gratitude a topic in your home. Why? Because you train yourself to look for the good things in life. And when something Big and Scary happens, you can handle it with a grace and flexibility that you simply can't while having a victim mentality. A grateful person is in the moment, and sees opportunities in front of them. A help wanted sign, or an obscure ad in the paper when you need work. A grateful person is the HAPPY you that co-workers WANT to talk to, not avoid. And those connections can help you find a cheap car when you need one, a babysitter when yours cancelled. People want to be nice to nice people. When you catch yourself in a negative spin, stop and think what you have to be grateful for. Right Then. Derail the thought train that will drag you down into your grumpy place. One grumpy thought creates a disease in your head if you let it spread. Use gratitude to get yourself back on track.

3) PRACTICE POSITIVES
Whatever is going wrong in your day, find the positive. It's in there somewhere. Delivery truck late at work? "At least the driver wasn't hurt when the truck broke down". Miss a deadline? "Well, it's really a bummer that it happened, but I know I need to really work on my organizational skills, and this is a really good push to keep me from putting that off!" There are harder things to turn into positives, of course. Losing a family member, the one thing that is most difficult. When you can't find a positive, no matter how hard you try.. then find a gratitude. As you get more practice, you can start looking for the lesson as well. There is something to be learned from every experience that has the potential to upset you. If nothing else, I have found I can at least be grateful for the lesson.

FREE Bonus Tip!
BE NICE TO YOU.
Changing your mental patterns is HARD. Be Easy on yourself. Set little goals. List your Gratitudes once a day. Try to catch yourself in a negative thought pattern and turn it around once a day. At no point, EVER... are you allowed to beat yourself up for failing to be a more positive person. Period. When trying to silence that inner critic that we all have, when the negative thoughts are self directed.. it's a good time to remind yourself to Not take anything personally. Even the things you might say to yourself in anger. And while you are being nice to you, try to be at least that nice to the people around you.

My own pursuit of happiness has been by far the most rewarding thing I've done in my entire life. It's changed how I look at life, and it's made life the adventure it's supposed to be, instead of a scary journey with pitfalls lurking around every corner. If you've made it to the end of this article, I wish you much joy and success on your own Happiness Journey!

If you want more tips on quieting your inner grump, I highly recommend "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz, and "The Happiness Project," by Gretchen Rubin. 

One step at a Time

     When a baby is learning how to walk, how do they do it? One Step at a time.  And before that, it's a crawl. And before that? It's just holding up your head longer than before.    We seem to have this black and white approach to Being Healthy. As if you are either Healthy or you are Not.  There are many degrees of healthy!  As long as we are striving to move forward, a step at a time, then we are doing exactly what we need to do.

     More often than not, we decide.. "Okay.. NOW! I'm starting to be healthy NOW." And we start a workout routine. And we cut out all of our favorite foods. And we are TIRED because we are probably dehydrated and are getting fewer calories than we are used to, sometimes too few while trying to maintain a higher activity level.  Does that sound like a recipe for Success?
 
 Every change we make, we want it to be sustainable. Something that we can add in now.. and just keep it in the mix.  I highly advocate starting with something as simple as adequate hydration.  The benefits to  proper hydration are so extensive! While estimates vary, it is thought that anywhere from 50% to 75% of Americans are Chronically dehydrated. Chronic dehydration has a myriad of side effects. 

 

• Fatigue: Dehydration causes the enzymatic processes in the body to slow down, causing tiredness and fatigue.
• Constipation: The colon is the first place that the body pulls water from when dehydrated. Dehydration will slow digestion.. or bring it to a standstill altogether.
• High Blood Pressure: The blood is  about 94 percent water when the body is hydrated. When dehydrated, the blood thickens, causing resistance to blood flow, which raises blood pressure.
• High Cholesterol: Your body produces more cholesterol to seal off water loss from cells.
• Asthma and Allergies: Another way that the body preserves fluid is by restricting airways when hydration is poor to prevent loss of water through respiration. According to Water for Health, for Healing, for Life, chronic dehydration "is the primary cause of allergies and asthma in the human body."  The rate of histamines that your body produces raise exponentially with dehydration. 
• Weight Gain:  The body will not metabolize fat unless there is sufficient water to flush the toxins that are stored in fat cells. 
• Joint Pain or Stiffness: Cartilage is comprised primarily of Water. When dehydrated, cartilage weakens and joint repair is slow. 
• Skin Disorders:  Dehydration affects the skins ability to eliminate toxins. Skin disorders become more prevalent with dehydration.

 These are just a few of the problems you can have if you are one of the majority of dehydrated Americans.  So what can you do about it?

     Determine when you can fit more water into your day. First thing in the morning, a glass of water helps prepare the digestive system for the day. The majority of your immune system is based in your intestinal Flora, and drinking that glass of water first thing in the morning prepares your body to wake up and be on the job.  Can you drink water at your Desk all day? Or make sure to drink a lot of water on breaks and lunches?  Look at your day, and decide where you can fit in more. And then, Do It!  Your body will thank you in a million ways!

     How much water is enough?
There are a lot of factors that influence how much you should drink.  The Institute of Medicine determined that an adequate intake (AI) for men is roughly 3 liters (about 13 cups) of total beverages a day. The AI for women is 2.2 liters (about 9 cups) of total beverages a day. Remember, that's TOTAL BEVERAGES, so it isn't so far from the old "drink 8 8 oz glasses of water every day"  If you are active, drink more. If you are in warm or cold or dry climates, aim higher as well.  Water intake suggestions can be found online as well.  Hydration Calculators like this take into account weight and activity level in the equation and tailor the number more specifically for you. 

     There will be days when you don't hit your goal for water intake. As you increase your water intake, you will start to notice that you ache more on days you skimp. You will notice that your skin is dry, or allergies are really bad.  As you maintain hydration more consistently, you will also start to recognize what it means when you fall below the line again.  It's a learning curve, but your body will remind you when you are slipping. With summer right around the corner, there couldn't be a more perfect time to improve your hydration habits!


 *  I do want to say, it's possible to drink TOO MUCH WATER.  Chugging gallons of water when your body doesn't have sufficient electrolytes can be dangerous or even fatal.  With over half of our country suspected to be chronically dehydrated, this is a relatively rare thing of course!  Staying within normal drinking guidelines is a pretty lofty goal for most people, but being an overachiever and trying to make up for lost time is simply not an option. 

      Wellness is a journey. Just as life is a journey. We aren't supposed to be racing to get to the end. We are supposed to enjoy the ride. So many people are trying to "lose a few pounds" and suspect that they will feel better by doing so. Or "trying to eat better" because they KNOW that junk food is Bad. Maybe they are trying to get into a smaller size, so they feel more socially acceptable.  Maybe the trends of juice bars and fitness TV like "Biggest Loser" make them feel pressured to start changing habits out of guilt or a sense of responsibility to set a good example for their kids.   Maybe, if the reason isn't the Right reason, none of their best efforts are going to make a lasting change.

    I want to define Wellness for you. Wellness is the quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort.  You can be healthy in body, and still not be Well. You can be healthy of mind, and still not be Well. One invariably will affect the other.  As a Health Coach, I'm trained to help people find balance... to find their own sense of Wellness in body and mind. That Wellness journey is different for each individual. There are, however, some common themes that people run into when taking deliberate action to be Well.  I want to explore some common topics in this blog that can help many of you along on your Journey of Wellness. Hopefully, I can help some of you learn to enjoy the journey, as we are meant to as well. 

Welcome to Wholly Healthy Happy.